


Six Ways to Kill a Man With Your Pinky Finger

by orphan_account



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-12 15:14:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4484246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account





	Six Ways to Kill a Man With Your Pinky Finger

Bucky Barnes was a gift to mankind.

That's what Darcy Lewis told everyone, at least. Bucky himself denied it. "I am not a gift," he said, "I am an asset."

Darcy replied with, "Assets can't do what you do with that metal hand." Her proclamation was paired with a lascivious waggle of the eyebrows.

"Damn right, doll." Bucky Barnes said. The Soldier agreed with Bucky Barnes.

Later, after Bucky and Darcy were finished testing out just what exactly his metal hand could do, they visited Steve Rogers. Darcy enjoyed showing off Bucky to Steve. According to Darcy, Bucky had many 'quirks' that were hilariously wonderful.

Today, Darcy sauntered into Steve's room with a lazy grin. "Hey, Steven," she greeted him. "Have I ever told you what Buckaroo does if I get threatened?"

Steve scoffed. "What now, Darcy?"

She went on like he'd never spoken. "He lists the six fastest ways to kill the person who threatened me. The six fastest ways to kil the person- with his pinky finger!"

Steve's initial reaction was, "There are more than six ways to kill someone with your pinky?" He paused, then shook his head. "Darcy, why does he do that?" Steve was constantly confused by Bucky and Darcy's relationship. Everyone was, really. Especially Bucky. But Bucky loved Darcy anyway.

"Because I told him to." Darcy answered with a shrug. 

Steve narrowed his eyes. "He's supposed to get out of the habit of following orders!"

Darcy raised her hands in surrender. "Alright, alright, Star-Spangled Man With a Plan. But he doesn't have to do what I say. He doesn't do it if he doesn't want to."

"This is true." Bucky supplied helpfully.

When Steve kept frowing, Darcy sighed. "Okay, Captain Senior Citizen. Story time. Once I told him to go kiss Tony, just to see if he'd do it."

"I said no." Bucky cut in, then froze. The Soldier was not supposed to interrupt. He glanced at Darcy, who was smiling at him. Seeing that smile was definitely not a punishment. So Bucky took a risk and kept speaking, if it might make Darcy smile like that again. "I said no because I do not like Tony Stark."

"See?" Darcy cried trimphantly. "He doesn't have to." 

Steve crossed his arms. "Does this have anything to do with the time that-"

"Yes." Darcy interrupted. She knew what he was thinking. "Yeah, after he said no to Tony, I asked him if he would go kiss Thor, because come on, who wouldn't, and anyway he actually stood up and started going and I jumped on him and told him to stop because Jane wouldn't be very happy and and why would he like Thor more than Tony but then I realized that everyone likes Thor better than Tony and then he said-" Darcy stared at Bucky expectantly.

"I said that Thor is beautiful." Bucky finished. The Soldier agreed with this assessment.

Steve's face was red and it looked like he was trying not to laugh. "I don't know if that's better with or without context." He chuckled.

"What," the soldier said, because the soldier didn't know what that meant, and Bucky wanted to hear what Steve heard.

Steve grinned. "Well, I was just walking by and then I heard a thump and Darcy shouting 'No, Bucky, you can't go after Thor! Jane would be very upset with you! She might stop overlooking it when we're late after lunchbreak! And anyway, why would you like Thor better? Wait, who wouldn't like a thunder god better.' And when I finally saw you, she was hanging on your back while you just stood there and looked lost."

The soldier thought about this, but Bucky Barnes burst out laughing. "Well, Thor _does_ have god-like beauty."

"Um." Said Jane, who had been walking by. "I hope that I don't have to worry about Bucky and Thor being a thing?"

Bucky winked. "No promises, sweetheart."


End file.
